Entangled thoughts

Sometimes I enter a self criticizing mode. I begin to threaten myself for my inabilities and my not being able to overcome them. I know that it cannot happen until I am determined, and to be determined I must have a strong motivation. The best place to look for it, I know, is my own self. I ask myself questions like - "what is it that I covet". But then that soon leads me to another one - "why and for whom should I do all this". I feel a void inside me and I feel lost. I begin to desperately search everything I know of to find my purpose of existence. And as usual, a sequence of serious thinking sessions follow. But then soon, thanks to my kins and friends, life is back to normal.

I have contemplated over it often and have come to the same conclusion each time - perhaps the only things that can help me are :
1. Realizing that there are people who love me and care for me. My life would be worth it if I can atleast reciprocate their feeling towards me.
2. Follow a "set goal -- work for it -- set a tougher goal-- work for it" cycle.

A good friend of mine once suggested that I should take up sports. His hypothesis was that sports can infuse in me desire to succeed. I must admit that I have never followed his advice seriously. But I still feel that it works. I have been to a few treks and I always returned happier and rejuvenated. I find a similarity between leading life and climbing hills - you keep struggling but keep climbing, worrying about nothing but the next milestone, and then finally when you reach the top, you feel trimphant, although you get no trophy for it. Every time I returned from a trek my thoughts were - "I could make it to the hill top and so can I do in the real life".

These days I am in a mixed mood - happy, anxious, and fearful. I came across few things and I find in me an unusual desperateness to achieve them.

I know where,
but it's hard to get there.
No use crying,
I'd be happy to die trying.

Don't know how long will all this last but every time I think of it, I am enthused.